5 things I wish I knew before I got pregnant

Let me start by saying that I feel extremely grateful for being able to get pregnant because it is not the case for many women. Complaining about something so special feels almost wrong but like everything else in our lives even carrying a child has its unpleasant moments. There are things I wish I knew before I got pregnant that surprised me and wasn’t prepared for.

Sadness

There was happiness, excitement and surprise but one feeling crept into the corner of my mind… sadness. I was a little disappointed and grieving the old life I knew I had to leave behind, at least partly. The life where I could set off on a traveling adventure whenever I wanted. The lack of responsibility for other people, only for me. The freedom to spend my time just the way I wanted. The time with my partner, just us, living our lives. I knew all of that will change soon and even though I always wanted children and was looking forward to the new family member, this occasionally made me sad.

This one one the things I wish I knew before I got pregnant. I think it’s natural to feel that way. We often talk about the beautiful and miraculous parts, portraying ourselves as goddesses of creation. But it’s scary to change one’s life or adjust to new circumstances. There is nothing wrong with negative feelings. I remind myself that it’s important to look at what I’m gaining rather than loosing. I feel the sadness and remember the good times and the times that are about to come, they won’t be any less special, just different.

Those big kicks

Baby kicking is the most wonderful feeling in the world and I will miss it when she’s born BUT the kicking can be quite uncomfortable, especially towards the end. I wish I knew before I got pregnant what to imagine when someone’s kicking my organs, stretching through the skin of my stomach and make my ribs and pelvic vibrate.

The tingling of butterfly wings were replaced by a rave of angry jumping babies. One well placed poke gets me running to the toilet thinking my bladder is going to burst (only to produce two drops of pee). Almost every day I discover a new way my body can hurt. Let it be ligament pain, sciatica kicking off and shooting up and down and left and right. Is that normal? Only Google knows!

Mood swings

Mood swings are well known side effect of pregnancy and they are often comical to watch on TV and in other people. I wish I knew they are less comical when I am the person they’re happening to. As optimistic as I thought I was, it seems to be a daily occurrence to cry about my teabag being thrown away when I wasn’t done with it. Crying is usually followed by a spike in anger because life is unfair (still on about the teabag) when self-pity makes an appearance and decides that being left alone will make me feel better. Only to get upset, yet again, because nobody loves me or cares.

Then there are the moments where I can’t decide what I feel, let alone if someone gives me a choice of activities. Unable to decode my mood causes frustration to everyone until someone else is forced to decide. Wrong again! Don’t tell a pregnant woman what she can and can’t do.

Is there a break to this wheel of madness? Yes, short windows of happiness can be expected, mainly while ingesting chocolate or being cuddled, but even those happy moments are most often ruined by heartburn or “the wrong way” to be hugged. Let me just say that by the end of the day I’m emotionally exhausted which does not help the matter.

Growing

You’d think that your mentality adjust as your body changes. I wish I knew before I was pregnant that it doesn’t. My brain likes to forget that I’m 9 months pregnant, therefore carrying around a sizable belly. I tend to misjudge how narrow a space really is before trying to squeeze through. I still think I’m smaller turning sideways only to get stuck or knock things and people over.

Same problem translates into balance. As the weight and body part sizes shifted my centre of balance has moved too. Walking on firm, levelled ground compares to crossing a tight rope. Climbing up or down stairs brings a new fear of tumbling down or somehow to the side. Seems that gravity is pulling stronger in pregnancy.

With or without a belly, my endurance seemed to have deserted me some months ago now. A short walk on a flat surface is now an athletic event, interrupted by commercial breaks for wees, water and general debate if I’ll make it back or not. Just like professional athletes I require proper care afterwards. A nap is essential, large amount of chocolate flavoured snacks preferable and a new hip or two is just wishful thinking.

One-sided conversations

I wish I knew before I got pregnant that once people can see the bump it becomes the topic of every conversation. From ‘how are you feeling?’ questions to advice on parenting, talking about something else is nearly impossible. Pregnancy and baby is a big and new part of anyone’s life and I understand the excitement behind it but when did it become all consuming?

Friends and family have a healthy interest in the newcomer to the group and yourself and complete strangers find it easy conversation starter and a never-ending well of stories. I suppose this will not change once the baby is born. So if you’re expecting and not showing yet, get your interesting conversation fill for a few months or years ahead because this luxury will be over soon.

Right now would be suitable to apologise for the rantings but this is my honest state of mind only a couple of weeks before having a baby. I hope I haven’t scared anyone whose excited about their pregnancy. If you’re in the similar mental situation as I am, I can only wish you and your loved ones strong nerves and patience as this will not last forever.

Love,

Misha